the end of May

update! i returned the skirt. I figured $70 for something I'll wear once or twice a month in the summer isn't worth it. Instead I bought this one

which I assume I will wear at least 8,000 times. Seriously, I love a good denim skirt. 

Everything else in life is just flowing along. For some reason I've been having a harder time dropping David off at daycare. . . He is just so amazingly cute these days that I hate to not be around him much during the day, especially when work is challenging, as it has been this week. But I am thankful that the time we do have together is so much fun. 

May is always my favorite month and I'm sad to see it coming to an end. Springtime is the best and it always seems so short. 

lovely afternoon

I had a long day at work today but it was a lovely spring evening at home. David was super sleepy when i picked him up at daycare, and he went down for a little nap when we got home around 5. Thank you angelic baby! I had a half hour to myself to just sit on the patio and unwind. David woke up right around when Mike came home, and we sat outside for a while and went for a little walk around the block. The weather was beautiful and it was the best way to end my day. 

mother's day, this year and last

I want to preface this photo by saying, it's an OLD photo. I'm definitely NOT pregnant again. :)

This is what we were doing a year ago on Mother's day. Even though this is my first official Mother's Day, it was definitely something last year. 

Where would any of us be without our mothers? Now that I have a child of my own I'm amazed by my parents. Amazed by any parent that turns out a halfway decent, normal, happy child. It's a daunting task, but not without it's charm. 

Especially this particular charm. The end result of those two little lines, one year later.

just about everything!

brain dump! there's about a million things I've been meaning to blog about. Here you go. 

I've been falling into a pretty good work/home/life balance. It's not ideal but I think for now it's pretty close. As usual, David is as stellar a baby as I could hope for, so that definitely helps. He's been going to sleep between 7-8, only waking up twice, and then up for the day around 7:30. That last part is key, since I can get up at a decent hour, get ready by myself, and THEN have some fun baby times before we head out for the day. The mornings go about ten times better than I could have imagined. 

Work has been pretty good too. This week was kind of a big deal for me; I was art directing a photoshoot by myself for the first time. I had a lot of apprehension about it initially. I don't think art directing is one of my strong suits, plus a few things have happened at work in the past year that have really done a number on my self-confidence. And I always feel like self-confidence is half the battle. But! It went pretty well, and I definitely feel like I did better every day. Even my half-assy food styling skills improved. I'm happy I was given the chance to do this and I hope that I can continue to improve. 

And overall, I really do enjoy going to work. Do I feel like I'm missing out on seeing my son? Yes. But. I also feel like I enjoy David so much more when I see him for only a limited time. Something about that sounds horrible, but it's true though. When I'm with him, I'm totally loving it since I know the time is precious. 

He's getting so fun, too! He is making little laughy baby noises. He's grabbing at toys and really examining them. When it's been sunny after work, I've been taking him on little walks in the Baby Bjorn, and he loves looking up at trees, he gets this fascinated look on his face and just studies them intently.  It's totally adorable. 

So, in summation: things are good. I don't know if I could ask for much better. 

David loves the dog. Isn't this the cutest?

back again

I don’t know why, but I think I assumed when I came back to work things would be really different. So far it has been SO SIMILAR it feels like the past three months have not happened. I still love working with the same people and projects, and the same people and projects still annoy me. I can’t keep my desk clean for the life of me. I start every morning with the intention of working super hard and then end up chatting way too much and checking my email every 15 minutes.

 

It’s like so many other aspects of life post-baby. When David was born, my entire world was reborn. My perspective, my goals, the way I think about myself and my life. With all those things changing, it felt natural to me that the rest of the world should be different too. But somehow the rest of the world was unaware of the existence of my son. What, no parades? No renaming of expressways or airports? Everyone else is still attending work and school and driving around and going about their lives like nothing happened? Huh, strange. The first time I left the house by myself post-baby, I went to my beloved Target. Everything about it was exactly the same, but I felt like I was somewhere new and different. Hard to describe. 

Anyway, I'm doing surprisingly well back at work. I only cried once this week, and those were happiness tears when I saw his first smile after picking him up at daycare. The transition was mostly eased by the fact that Mike stayed home almost every day this week. The hardest part of going back to work is the whole morning routine getting myself and the baby up and ready and out the door. David doesn't start full time at day care until the week after next; so maybe it will be more challenging then. For now I'm easing into this life adjustment. It's going better than I expected. 

massive mixed feelings

tummy time! This is important as the back of David's head seems to be getting flatter. 

Things have been going extremely well lately. It's actually a shame, since just as everything has fallen into place, I'll be going back to work soon. 

My days at home have developed into a pleasant pattern. In the mornings, I bring David into bed with me and usually feed him there. It's such a nice cuddly time. The rest of the day is playtime, feeding, rocking, sleeping, repeat repeat repeat. There are some days when he goes on a Nap Strike, and those days are less than pleasant, but I think I'm getting better about reading his sleepy cues and getting him down before he gets overtired. But on days he does take good naps, I can make dinner or bake something, do some yoga, work on art projects, spend time online. And even though it IS hard work to take care of a baby, I know I'll miss this relaxed pace of life when I have to return to the office. 

I can't imagine that I could have more conflicted feelings about going back to work. There's a large part of me that can't wait to get back: to see my friends, to have adult interaction again, and even just to work again. I miss designing! But there's an equally large part that's kinda heartbroken over it. I know I'll miss him, and I also worry about the daycare thing. Even though I really like David's daycare, it's not the same as the one on one attention I can give him every day. Honestly I just try not to think about it too much. And if I'm continuing to be honest. . . I daydream a lot about working part time some day. At this point I don't know if I'm cut out to stay at home full time (the main drawback to maternity leave has been feelings of loneliness/isolation); but part time would be ideal. We'll see where time takes us.

i'll take you down where the birds fly by

Having trouble stringing the words together lately. I swear I always think of things to write here, but then they flit away from me. I guess because a lot of it is so mundane. Do you really want to hear about my struggles with trying to get David to nap during the day? Or cradle cap?  Yeah, I didn't think so. 

So here are a bunch of things: My parents came for a visit. We had a great time. The weather has been amazing and long walks are so good for me and my un-excercised body; the boy mostly just sleeps through them. I have been to a few different moms groups and feel that I don't fit very well into the suburban mom demographic (maybe this is something I should expound on at some point). But I am making friends with some of the younger moms at my church, which is good I think. I can't wait until David starts sleeping a little longer at night. . . I'm getting used to waking up 2-3 times a night, but that doesn't make it any easier. 

Our little guy is doing great though, and I really can't complain. . . I only have five more weeks of maternity leave and I am trying to savor it all while I can. 

And some pictures. 

why I shouldn't leave baby stuff on the floor

pug in a boppy.

We really need to get a toybox or a toy cabinet or something, otherwise I'm going to wake up to this every morning.

cuteface

David, 6 days

We had a good morning today. Last night I slept for more than 4 hours, and this morning David has been either alert, eating, or sleeping; not too much frustrating in-between of crying or fussing. We even danced around listening to Jack Johnson for a while. Happy times. 

This afternoon has been . . . okay.  I met with a lactation consultant about my breastfeeding issues and the news wasn't great. I have pretty low supply for some reason she couldn't pinpoint. Thankfully I have a new plan of attack and it can only get better from here.